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How does ego affect Relationships?

Contributed by : Saha Nathan

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Ego is nothing but a collection of your thoughts from all your past
experiences put together.

How does ego affect Relationships?

For example, you get to know a person and try to become friends with him/her.
And over a period of time, let's say that the friendship evolves into a
relationship. During the past meetings and encounters, they would have projected
each other's mental images. This projection of a person has a physical as well
as a mental aspect to it. So, what we end up seeing in a relationship after a
period of time, you will see actual persons, but the projection of one person to
the other. At some point of time in the relationship, the true nature of these
images will come out into the open. When I say true images, these correspond to
the manner in which the two people in the relationship projects himself/herself
to the other person. Once these images start popping up over the course of time
in a relationship, the joyful period gets over and people start getting doubts
each others. Anything that is related to your senses will not provide you with a
chance for fulfillment of love.

So what does "fulfillment of love" actually mean?

The moment you start aiming for fulfillment, you have to realize that
fulfillment is nothing but moving beyond the emotions and this is attained by
helping each other. If this happens, there will be no ego and the consequent
image projections that happen between two people will not have any value and
will rather provide you with enjoyable memories. Also, remember that the prime
goal of a relationship is moving out of mental projections. When you allow
yourself to form a mental projection of the other person, it will blur your
clarity of thought and stop your growth. If you stop your growth in the
relationship, inevitably, you will stop the growth of the other person. When I
say "growth", I mean "the growth of fulfillment". Hence, ego is nothing but a
barrier for fulfillment in relationships.

The other definition of EGO - It is a combination of your past experiences
along with your emotions. So, a person has to get rid of his/her ego in order to
experience the true nature of a relationship. If somebody understands the way
they live in a relationship, it will ultimately lead to the blossoming of the
relationship to the next level. On the contrary, if you allow your life to be
based on the mental projection, there is a chance of you going down the path
leading to depression. Actually, it will indeed surely lead to depression. So,
if one understands the consequences of forming a mental projection and makes the
other person in the relationship to understand and realize this, then life
itself will become divine. That is the ultimate relationship between you and
your ego. Ego has to be understood in another dimension.

Some people might ask "How do I relate to if he/she commits a mistake? How do
I correct him/her?

Of course, I agree there are people who are really close to us and the only
possibility is to realize the entire concept of losing one's ego and understand
that the person has to be open. When you say "Open", it means that he/she has to
have the thought "Okay, I want to know how to grow into this relationship; I
want to get these idiotic thoughts out of my head and listen to him/her". If you
are ready to listen to these words, then there is a chance for you to open your
heart and start experiencing the true nature of the relationship. The Ego goes
then true love will get unveil in a relationship.

About Author
An experienced writer and counselor in relationship management with 15 years of research and development on human relationships and emotions
  • Author of a renowned book, CRM: A Step-by-Step Approach, which is prescribed for graduate programs in 25 Indian universities
  • Speaks frequently on relationships, and his sessions are broadcast daily on Merina America 24-Hour Tamil Radio (
  • Saha is very passionate about his idols, he practices what he writes.

  • To reach Saha Nathan:
    Please e-mail him at or visit his Web site:



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