You can fall in love with a person, with acting, with working, with singing, with a house, or with a car. When you desire a certain person, you might think, "If I have her, I will have absolute happiness."
However, you then realize that the object of your goalthe personis not within your reach! You cannot have the relationship that you wanted. You become depressed because you have a fantasy that cannot be fulfilled.
On the other hand, you might achieve your "goal" of partnering with someone. What should you do next? If you discover that the person is not what you assumed him or her to be, you may become disappointed and depressed.
You should not presume that your partner is truly going to be the man or woman of your dreams, because he or she will in all likelihood turn out to be as normal as you. Every person comes with a variety of traits, some positive and less positive.
It is useless to have unrealistic desires or to be excessively ambitious. Such strivings can impede your desires or lead to depression.
Live in the Now
If you cling unyieldingly to what you have, you will miss opportunities to experience the new. You will suffer sadness for what you may have missed! You will miss opportunities to enjoy what you have right now, because the fear of loss is at the edge of your consciousness. What you have now will eventually be gone.
A Rhythm of Opposites
The first thing to understand about life is that it cannot be divided into pieces. If you try to divide up your life, you will have to choose the part that you are going to live. That which you choose is always in flux. That which you have denied will overcome youyou cannot escape it. You cannot say, "I will live only in the days, and I will ignore the nights." You cannot say, "I will live only with the ingoing breath, and I will not allow the outgoing breaths." You cannot say, "I will live only if I am happy. When I am not happy, I will not live." You can take this attitude, but doing so will only make you suffer more.
No one deliberately chooses suffering. You may wonder why this person or that person has chosen to suffer, yet no one deliberately chooses to suffer. Even if you have chosen to be happy, you have chosen too strongly. You are doing everything you can to become happy, but that's why you are suffering.
Life is a rhythm of opposites. The breath comes in and goes out: between these two opposites, ingoing and outgoing, you exist. Suffering is there, happiness is there. Happiness is like the ingoing breath (or the day), suffering is like the outgoing breath (or the night).
There will be periods of happiness and of suffering, and both must be experienced in order to appreciate the opposite. Life must contain both, otherwise its rhythm will be broken, and without rhythm there can be no life.
In many ways, life is like music. When you hear music, there are notes, and between each sound, there is silence. Because of that pause, the opposing interval of silence, music arises. If you say, "I will choose only to hear sounds and not the pauses," there can be no music.
Pauses give life to sound. Sound and silence, sound and silencethey are what create the music. This is the beauty of life, which exists through opposites.
If you attempt to impose a choice, you become victim to events beyond your control and suffer. If you accept that the totality of opposites is the way that life functions, you do not choose. And when you don't choose, there is no need to cling to that which you cannot change, as there is no meaning in clinging. When suffering comes, you experience the suffering, and when happiness comes, you enjoy the happiness.
When you are listening to the ocean, or to the thundering of the clouds, or to the rain falling heavily, put your ego aside because there is no need to defend it. There is no threat from the ocean, the rain, and the trees. There is no need for defensiveness. Be open to life as it is, to existence as it is, and these moments will come to you continuously. Soon they will become your entire life. Wherever you are, at home, at work, or anywhere else, you can use the presence of any sound as an opportunity to move inside to a place of inner silence.
Remember, life is like a river.
An experienced writer and counselor in relationship management with 15 years of research and development on human relationships and emotions
- Author of a renowned book, CRM: A Step-by-Step Approach, which is prescribed for graduate programs in 25 Indian universities
- Speaks frequently on relationships, and his sessions are broadcast daily on Merina America 24-Hour Tamil Radio (www.merina.com)
- Saha is very passionate about his idols, he practices what he writes.
To reach Saha Nathan:
Please e-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org or visit his Web site: http://www.thenewbeginningnow.com/
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