Why do I say that no one is perfect?
The person who lives in constant desire for perfection lives a condemned life. This person's society is partly responsible for the problem. Parents, schools, colleges, universities, priests, and politiciansthey all help to make you neurotic, reliant on them for guidance and direction.
From childhood, we are often not accepted for who we are. You may have been told, "Be like me, and then you will be acceptable." You fear that if you live in your own way, you will be condemned. Everyone will be against you. Your parents will not tolerate any behavior that goes against their desires. They wish to mold you, form you, and manipulate you. They want to shape you according to their desire of who they wish you to be.
What is the problem here? They too are also suffering from neuroses. They have tried their whole lives to become perfect, but they have failed. They can never succeed at perfection, for perfection does not exist. They might succeed in one area, but their idea of perfection just becomes more sophisticated. Failure is inevitable.
For example, think of acquiring money. If you have ten thousand dollars, you will start to believe that you need one hundred thousand to be happy. When you have one hundred thousand, your desire increases again, and now that amount is not enough.
Our parents are living out their own traumas. They have tried their whole lives to be what their parents wanted of them. They know that death is coming and their days are limited, and they are losing hope. A new hope arises: living through their children. If they were not perfect, at least their children can be perfect. There is a saying that a tree is known by its fruit, so many parents choose to believe that if they can make their children perfect, then they must be perfect. They start teaching their children to be the way they wish them to be, and hence, the children begin to develop anxieties.
This is how neuroses about perfection are passed from one generation to the next. Parents are continuously trying to improve their children, but in doing so, they condemn their children to failure. They make it impossible for the children to love and respect themselves. And when love and respect for oneself is lost, one is wholly lost.
One my friends grew up in a traditional family with a father who felt the need to impose his views on his children. He was a dictatorhe was always right when a decision had to be made. His wife never interfered with her husband's actions. When my friend was offered a job in London, his father did not allow him to take the position but demanded that his son take care of the family shop. Today, the entire family has realized the mistakes that were made and how the attitudes of the parents deeply affected their children.
The world suffers greatly from this and other kinds of madness.
Ninety-nine percent of our mind-body problems come from the delusion that we must be perfect. Many physical and psychological diseases would automatically disappear if this foolish idea to become perfect disappeared, but it has been taught from every nook and corner of our societyfrom the church, the temple, and the mosque to the university. Everywhere, everyone seems to be seduced by this conspiracy. Everyone seems determined to make themselves and others perfect. The perfect human being has ever existed will never exist. Imperfection is the way things are. Imperfection is fundamental to the beauty of nature, because it brings the potential to flower and grow. Reality is always growing, so how can it be perfect?
Once something is perfect, growth is no longer possible. Only in imperfection do we find the joy of growing.
An experienced writer and counselor in relationship management with 15 years of research and development on human relationships and emotions
- Author of a renowned book, CRM: A Step-by-Step Approach, which is prescribed for graduate programs in 25 Indian universities
- Speaks frequently on relationships, and his sessions are broadcast daily on Merina America 24-Hour Tamil Radio (www.merina.com)
- Saha is very passionate about his idols, he practices what he writes.
To reach Saha Nathan:
Please e-mail him at email@example.com or visit his Web site: http://www.thenewbeginningnow.com/
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